Existence… Is it really necessary?

No, but it helps to have it if you want to be here.

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No time for sleep

It’s better to have too much to do and not enough time to do it

than it is to have too much time and nothing to do with it.

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Let Them Die

A few years ago I had a dream in which someone was shooting at me. I awoke while attempting to escape. Minor variations on this dream began to occur until I had one in which I had a gun and shot back.

I wasn’t too happy about these dreams. I prefer to find solutions to problems. Guns dont solve problems, they perpetuate them. But that’s another discussion.

Eventually I had a dream in which I succeeded in shooting my attacker. Then I had a dream in which I succeeded in killing them. I wondered just what was going on. Where was this streak of violence coming from? I certainly didn’t feel it in waking life. Obviously I was trying to tell myself something but what?

The mayhem escalated. Death in my dreams became almost routine. Sometimes I would kill someone; sometimes they would die from other assailants, monsters, or assorted accidents.

I wasn’t terribly bothered by it all. I didn’t like the theme but I knew the dreams were simply a message. Eventually it started to become clear that it wasn’t about the violence at all; it was about the dying. The killing suggested a letting go of the past and moving forward. The attackers represented the baggage I was holding onto. Attempting to escape indicated my reluctance to let go.

It made sense. My life is centered on personal growth. I first questioned my role in life when I was eight years old. I had no answers at the time but I observed that each year was better than the previous. Each year I felt happier. Each year I felt I was making progress, even if I couldn’t define the nature of that progress.

Until one day as a young adult, I noticed that things weren’t getting any better. My life was beginning to stagnate. I felt that I wasn’t in control of my own life. I felt like a victim of circumstance and circumstances were not operating in my favor. Something needed to be done about that. I knew that the anwers were within me if I could only find out where they were buried.

I refocused my efforts. Gradually I began to turn things around. It took years but, gradually, I began to feel connected. I wasn’t entirely satisfied; I knew I had plenty of room for improvement but I felt at peace and that was a good start. I felt confident that I could gain control. It was around this time that these dreams began.

The pace of my life seemed to be gaining speed. Every few years I woiuld go through a personal crisis that lasted for months and required an effort of will to survive. Each crisis resulted in what I can only describe as an evolutionary jump. As I conquered each challenge, I felt stronger, happier, more focused. I was learing to be the master of my own destiny.

But something was still missing. I had no idea what it was but a final piece of the puzzle had fallen into the cracks and eluded all effort to find it. That was when I had the realization that the dreams were more about the dying than the violence. Shortly after that, I had a Dream Academy award winner.

There were three “beings” in the dream. They looked human. They were self-aware. But I had the knowledge that they were “created” somehow. Even though they wanted to live, they lacked the capacity for self-preservation. This was important because I knew they had outlived the purpose for which they were created. It was time for them to go.

I’d been having all these dreams where I was finding it easier and easier to kill people. This time I couldn’t do it. These creations were not attacking me. They had done no harm. In fact, they were defenseless. They wanted to live. Was this not their right? I could do nothing to harm them.

I became aware of one other person in the dream. She stood next to me and was growing impatient with my lack of resolve. Finally she could take it no more. She stepped forward, picking up a large cleaver as she walked. Without a heartbeat of hesitation, she stepped up to one of the beings, raised the cleaver, and drew it down the length of its body, from head to torso. Then she raised the cleaver again, this time drawing it through the torso to the legs. Each swipe of the knife cut through the being’s body almost to the backside, nearly severing it in two.

I stood there in numbed shock. What had she done?

Oddly, the bisected being remained standing. It hadn’t yet fallen but its life was over and I sensed that it was very much aware of that truth. The assailant turned to look at me.

Her voice was calm and steady as she spoke. With a stern air of authority that nailed my feet to the floor, she said, “Do you understand now? Let. Them. Die.”

They were the three most commanding words I had ever heard spoken in my life. I knew the other two beings had to die and that they must die by my hand. It wasn’t to happen in the dream however as the force of her words drew me to wakefulness.

And I did understand. The beings were old skin that needed to be shed, grime that needed to be washed away, tattered clothing that needed to be replaced. I had undertaken a task so many years ago, as a child. I had found too many excuses to delay. It was time to finish the job once and for all. I had to let go of the anchors that kept me rooted in place and walking in circles. I had to kill me. It had to be done so I could live.

The world is in its own crisis right now. The state of the world is but a reflection of the individuals of the world. If the world is in crisis, it is because so many people are in a personal crisis. To survive, for the world to survive, each individual must look within and recognize that which has fulfilled its role. Each individual must cleave out and discard that which is holding them back. Everything serves a purpose. But when that purpose has been served, it is time for it to go. Like the fruit that falls from the tree so that new fruit might grow.

Its time to evolve. Let them die.

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